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Final Fucking Fantasy XXX
'Summary' Red Wolf and Blue enter the world of Final Fantasy. As they become the best heroes in the game that will lead them to fight the Dark Lord of the game. 'Transcript' (Wolf and Red start setting up Wolf's gaming machine) Wolf: This is going to be so awesome! Red: I always dreamed about having sex with video game chicks and now I can WOO! Wolf: Better yet they can't get pregnant so you can go all night long. Red: Cuz I'm nocturnal (growls) Wolf: Save it for the gamer girls. Red: I can even level up my dick to godly might. (Blue rushes in Wolf's cabin looking desparate) Wolf: What the fuck Blue? I usually do that to you. Blue: I heard you guys were going to go into the Final Fantasy world! Wolf: What? how could you have possible found out? Blue: Red tweeted me gloating about it. Wolf: (Glares at Red) Nice going dumbass. Red: (Covers his face) Ahh! please don't kill me! Wolf: (sighs) Maybe not today. Blue: Please! Let me play! It was my dream to be in this game. Wolf: Other than being a captain of the USS Enterprise? Blue: Well I... Red: Or being a magician of War and Craft? Blue: That was just... Wolf: Or in a fucking mech taking down Kiaju? Blue: That was a... Red: Or the time you wanted... Blue: OKAY! I get it! Just let me go with you. I'll give you anything. Wolf: A threesome with Pink. Blue: WHAT!?!?! Wolf: (laughs) Just fucking with you Blue. Red: (laughs) You should have seen your face! Blue: Real mature you dicks. Wolf: Okay but we'll think of something after. Blue: Fine. (They all place their headsets on and turn on the game. a while after the gamer machine warmed up and flashed the ready light) Wolf: Are you guys ready for this? Red: Do it! Fucking do it! Blue: Oh man, this is going to be so epic! Wolf: Final Fucking Fantasy triple X here we come! (hits the power button on the gamer machine) GUN HOE! (They are all digitized and sent into the game console. The next they knew they where in a grand city of the game) All three: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Red: Look at all the gamer bitches! Wolf: Look at all those weapons! Blue: Look at all the mages! (Red and Wolf stare awkwardly at Blue) Blue: What? They look cool. Red: Nerd. Blue: Oh look, Chocobos. Over there, Moogles! Oh and over there are... Red: Bunny Girls of porn stars! Blue: Dude, they aren't porn stars they are Viera. Red: Nah, they're porn stars and I'm about to show them my shooting star. (pushes Blue out of the way) here comes the milky way! Blue: (gets up) asshole. So Wolf what are you going to do here? (no response) Wolf? (Later, Wolf was in front of a notice board filled with quests) Blue: I should have thought you'd be here. Well since we are starting at level one we should pick... Wolf: This one looks good. Blue: What!? You can't do that! it's level one hundred! Wolf: Fuck that I'm doing it. (Takes it and leaves) Blue: Well he's dead. (Looks around and walks in front of a guild) Blue: Oh shit a magic guild! I'm gonna learn some fucking awesome spells. (The next day at a tavern, Red and Blue meet up) Red: So how did you nerd magic lessons go? Blue: It's adavanced level magic. I was the best student there. Red: I guess that means you will get laid even less now. Blue: Like having sex with those Viera has done anything for you. Red: Oh yeah? (Red zips open his pants and light shines out almost blinding Blue) Blue: OH MY GOD!!! WHY!?! (Girls nearby scream and faint at the sight) Red: (zips his pants up) That's right beeatch. Dick level one hundred of Pure Godly Might. Blue: (Rubs his eyes) Don't... ever... do that... again. Red: No promises. Blue: I wonder where Wolf is. Red: Where did he go. Blue: That dumbass took a level hundred quest when he was a level one. I'm sure he'll come back beaten and... Wolf: (comes in with high level armor and weapons) Already at level seventy five. Red: Holy shit! Blue: What!? How did you beat that quest!? It was suppose to be a legion of high level demons of hell!? Wolf: Nothing what a couple of holy nukes won't do. Red: Yeah! Blue: Well shit. Wolf: I already got tales and songs about me. (lays back in a chair) Yep everyone will know my name now. Cloaked man: The great evil king of the dark realm is challenging you great heroes to decide the fate of the world. Wolf: You can tell him to go fuck a blender. Red: Yeah, that dark cock can go fuck himself. Blue: Why does he want us? Cloaked man: You are the warriors of the crystal. Wolf: We don't do drugs... that much. Blue: Wait you do drugs? Wolf: When I want to feel happy as I kill things. (Shows Wolf at a beauty pagent and takes a dose of a drug and everything looks like a dancing green field of gummy bears. Wolf starts to happily rip off arms, legs, and heads to start eating them. then later shows the beauty pagent splattered with blood and mutilated eaten body parts) Wolf: Yeah good times. (Red and Blue stare disturbed at what Wolf said) Cloaked man: Okay... anyways will you accept the challenge? Wolf: (shrugs) Eh, why not? Red: the dark gay lord is a pussy anyways. (before they knew it they where in a thrown room of evil full of a dark demon army) Blue: oh shit. Dark Lord: I have final found the warriors of the crystal! (Wolf and Red snicker at the word crystal) Blue: Grow up you two. Dark Lord: Once you are defeated, the great crystal shall be mine! (Wolf and Red try to hold their breaths from laughing) Dark Lord: What is so amusing!? Blue: guys I don't think we should be mocking him like this. Wolf: Judging by your face, your mom must have been face deep in crystal when she gave birth to you. DarK Lord: What? Red: How much crystal do you take a day? Dark Lord: I take every crystal I could find in the world! (Red and Wolf burst out laughing while Blue is trying to keep from laughing) Dark Lord: I have ripped it out of men, women, and animals! Wolf: (laughing hysterically) Please... No more... I'm going to piss myself! Red: (laughing hysterically) I already did! Blue: (Beginning to laugh) I'm sorry... Mr. Dark Lord... I didn't mean to laugh. Dark Lord: (pissed off) Why are you laughing!? When I take the great crystal, I will become the Dark Lord of crystal! (they all continue to laugh out hard) Wolf: (laughing) No doubt of that! Dark Lord: THAT"S DOES IT!!! FIGHT ME AND DIE!!! (they enter battle mode) Dark Lord: I will turn you to stone! Wolf: Too late, I think you became the biggest stoner already. Dark Lord: SHUT UP!!! Red: well you're going to have to wait because it's our turn first to strike Junky McJunk face. Dark Lord: Grr! fucking time bar settings! hurry up then. I want to kill you so bad! Wolf: I'll use Humilliation. (runs over and dresses the Dark Lord in a frilly pink dress with My Little Pony pictures on it) Dark Lord: You think this will harm me? Wolf: (Wolf uses a crystal like a camera phone to take a photo of the Dark Lord) I hope this will. Dark Lord: What did you just do!? Wolf: I used my crystal to send a picture iof you to everyone in the world. Dark Lord: WHAT?!?! (Shows different places displaying a picture of the Dark Lord in his dress and people laughing including the Dark Lord's minions) Dark Lord: HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME YOU DICK!!! Wolf: Your turn Red. Red: I use Teabag! (Red teabags Dark Lord) Taste them balls off freedom! Dark Lord: (Disgusted) AUGH!!! you little shit! Blue: Time for me to use a summon. BAHAMUT I choose you! (The summon comes outflying over the Dark Lord) Dark Lord: Finally, a real fight with magic. Blue: Let's see, what attack should I use. Oh how about this. Bahamut use mega overload now! (the summon turns away from the Dark Lord ) Blue: What is it doing ? Bahamut: Ba-ha-MUT!!! (shoots out a overload of poop at the Dark Lord) Blue: What kind of an attack was that!? Red: An awesome one! Blue: Of course you would think that. Dark Lord: THAT DOES IT!!! I WILL USE MY ULTIMATE POWER TO DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! (charges up his attack) after this none will stand in my way. I will bring hell on earth. I will be god over all. all will witness in fear of the all mighty power of... (Wolf throws a rock and hits the Dark Lord right in the nose) Dark Lord: OOWWWW!!! What the fuck!? Who the hell throws rocks!? Seriously!? I was in the middle of an evil speech and you just start throwing fucking... (Wolf throws another in his eye) Dark Lord: OOWWWW!!! That was my fucking eye! what the fuck is wrong with you!? Can't I have a decent and honorable battle to take over the... (all three throws a rock in the Dark Lord's groin) Dark Lord: ARRGH!!! My balls! My fucking dark balls! Why would you throw rocks at my balls!? Leave my balls alone! (They throw a rock at the Dark Lord's nose, eye and balls) Dark Lord: AUGH!!! Stop! You win! I don't even want to take over this world anymore! You are all fucking retarded! Fuck this world, fuck this game, but most importanty FUCK YOU! I'm sick of this shit! (The dark Lord blows himself up) (Red, Wolf, and Blue dance as the victory theme plays) END ''COMMENT YOUR POLL VOTE'' *1/5 Unicorn Barf! *2/5 It was like Meh. *3/5 I guess it was... pretty good. *4/5 This is like crazy right? *5/5 CUZ I'M AWESOME Category:Episodes Category:November Releases